Growing Up

It happens every once in a while that my oldest will come bounding around a corner the look of her will catch me off guard. She's just a baby and there she is wearing her little twirly skirt, reading a book to her sister, or curling up with the game boy. I just can't describe the angst and fear that little by little she won't be my baby any more.

I really struck me yesterday. When its in your face, you are really prepared. Like when she is moving through some major event. The first day of kindergarten or the first time she finished an entire book on her own both strike me as days when she seemed bigger than life. But its the subtler days that really leave that eerie nostalgic feeling deep in your gut.

I can't even tell you what it was yesterday that did it. It probably was a thousand little things. Some phrase she picked up at school or from me that she repeated in a new context. Or the way she wore her hair or flicked it out of her face.

Luckily she continues to remind me how little she still is too. When she comes out of bed in the morning still clutching her blankie. Or when she goes through her stuffed animals trying to decide which she will sleep with. Or, my favorite, when she will jump into my arms just to be held.

Of course, now when she jumps into my arms, I better be ready! She has jumped more than once and I thought we were both going to bite the ground.

I don't know what the future holds, but I know that I am loosing my hold on her little by little. Luckily I have two more to hold on to!