Why am I doing this. . . . . . . .

I was lamenting my new running schedule to someone close to me, while at the same time complaining about how hot it has been and how hard it has been to get out and run. The days here in Florida have been hot and humid, the air still, and the ground hard. I've run myself dehydrated more than once, light headed and shaky needing a rescue, but not having the humility to do so. So after a good run (the first in several months) I was looking over my running schedule and getting both excited and scared all at the same time.

So again, I was lamenting my schedule, when someone close to me said they couldn't understand why I was going to do this, you know, run a full marathon. I've written my reasons for running, several times in these pages. I'm not sure I can really articulate it. Recently, in the middle of my runs, I've been at a loss for adrenaline or motivation. But, I still lace up my shoes and get out there even on the worst of days. 

Why do I do this? Why do I keep doing this? I'm not loosing weight. My gut is about the same. I'd love to say I have more energy, but I've been going to bed earlier and I'm all the way tired at the end of every day. More stamina? A better lover? Able to leap tall buildings? Medium size buildings? Small puddles? Not so much. So what am I getting from this? 

I'm not sure I can fully articulate it. I don't know that I like running. It's inexpensive. When I run I see all the cyclists getting their gear ready and know that my shoes wouldn't even pay for the pads that go in their bicycle shorts. It's easy to do. I've so far been able to run without any special training. But like I said, I don't know that I like running. 

So why do I do it? It took me two hours to setup my calendar to include all of the marathons I want to run and the due dates for the money. I then had to add all of my running days and amounts to make sure I can ramp up my distances in time while skirting around all of my other commitments to family and holidays. But, still I did it, and as the due dates approach, I try to make sure I register.

Why do I do this? Why do I want to do this? I've had a variety of reasons. I wanted to loose weight. I wanted to be better. I wanted to see something all the way through. I had yo-yo'd my weight so many times, somehow I thought this would fix it. I have a library filled with books of things I have wanted to learn or teach myself and never got it done. I've started three businesses, and haven't done particularly well at any. 

So why am I doing this? Well, my new favorite reason developed over the summer. My wife and I are teachers. Our retirement is meager as is our salary. Another person I know has a far higher earning potential, a well funded 401K, and the potential for real vertical advancement. But he definitely works, he works, and he never ceases to remind me of how much he works. I know that he will probably be in a position to retire early and still provide for his children. Not to mention, I'm sure he has been able to insure his life to make sure his family is taken care of if things go bad. It has become painfully clear that the only thing I really have to offer my children and my family is me. Running is my chance to be here. I might spend a lot of that time working, but I will be here. I have to be. I have to continue to provide for my family, but at the same time I want to be here for them. Happy, healthy, and able to do the things I love with the people I love. 

Let's hope that will be enough to see me through. Besides, I hear they have beer at the finish line.