"I am the principle character in a world of my own."
I know that sounds not only a bit trite and cliche, but also ego centric. Yet, that idea is something we all share. We are all the main character in our own autobiography, and as since mine is still in it's rough draft, there are still revisions to make and chapters to add. Yet, as I read through the earlier chapters, I am often pained by the thought that I want to revise these earlier sections so that I can bring new things into the current chapter I am writing.
I am always looking for something and seldom finding it. I go to bookstores and buy books I never read. I go to the game store to buy video games I never play. For my business I buy equipment I think I need but seldom use, and I wonder how much of the things I buy from the gocery should have sat on the shelves rather than be consumed absent mindedly as I toil away on the next of my many projects.
I do read magazines. I read them by the gross. I think they are replacing comic books of my youth. The difference is all of them are trying to either show me stuff that other people can do or teach me how to do what other people can do. I read the articles, look at the how-to's and even take some notes, but they seldom make their way into my collective.
So today, on my birthday I ponder what Hugh Heffner said on the radio during my drive. As he spoke to Terry Gross on NPR, he said that at 81 years old, he might be ridiculus, but he lives a life that many envy and few achieve, but further, he said that he was living in a world of his own making. He wears silk pajamas everyday, becuase he can. He lives with three girlfrieds, because he can. Listening to him speak gives you the aura of someone who has not only lived a life seldom seen, but understands that the world of him that we see, is the characture of the life necessary to sell more magazines. Still editor and chief at 81 he still believes that he is showing off the girl next door with class and an air of innocence.
I laughed a little, mostly because it has been a long time since I was sneeking a peak at a playboy hoping my parents wouldn't find out and since the magazines I read today are all technical I thought about his statement, in fact, I turned it into a bumper sticker in my mind. Instead of reading this on the car in front of me, I am slapping this bumper sticker on my car and driving ahead. This is my world. I am the main character. When people read this story this will be the part when the story turns, and you begin to run through the pages with rapid anticipation. In the movie of my life, this will be when the Rocky soundtrack starts playing and the crowed grips the armrest a little tighter.
I sure hope the credits don't roll after that last sentence.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Things I have learned since becoming a father - reprise
Note from the editor - I am moving posts from my other blogs over to this one. This was originally posted January 5th, 2006, and was taken from something I wrote on my old Justkidding website back in 2002.
After the birth of my second daughter I began a discussion on the things I learned since becoming a father of a daugher. Here is an excerpt:
1. Puke that wasn't my own has been on every part of my body, sometimes without clothes to protect them.
2. My face has been very very very close to poop.
3. I now call it poop.
4. Barbie has flesh colored panties. Ken doesn't.
5. You would be surprised by the diversity, variance, and texture of boogers.
6. Speaking of texture and variance, poop is pretty much an over achiever in that category.
7. The ability to rapid fire spell any word in the dictionary.
8. I can pee while a two year old holds my leg after breaking and entering the bathroom to exclaim, "Good job daddy, you go peepee in the potty."
9. Sometimes, I look forward to going to work on Monday to get some rest.
10. A toddler can run out of the tub and pee on the floor faster than you can chase them.
11. I have had to clean up pee from a feaking doll that pees! Whoever created this doll should know there is a special place in hell reserved for him.
12. The weight limits for diapers refer to the size of kid you put in them and not how much they hold.
13. Children look adorable until the JC Penny camera is pointed at them.
14. If it squishes it can be squeezed between the fingers of an toddler.
15. If prepared correctly a properly vibrated infant can spit up on anyone you wish.
16. The most fasinating toy is the one your child doesn't have.
17. If you pull your childs bed away from the wall, you are guaranteed to find something gree stuck to the wall.
18. It takes a six year old, 30 seconds to put clothes on a Polly Pocket. It takes a father 30 minutes to put clothes on a Polly Pocket. It takes a four year old 2 seconds to loose their mind when they rip the Polly Pocket clothes.
19. Glue doesn't work on Polly Pocket clothes.
20. The only toy that ever gets lost is the one that is your daughter's favorite color.
21. The moment you buy the last Snow White doll, clothes, game, video, etc.. is the moment your daughter embraces Cinderella.
more to come...
After the birth of my second daughter I began a discussion on the things I learned since becoming a father of a daugher. Here is an excerpt:
1. Puke that wasn't my own has been on every part of my body, sometimes without clothes to protect them.
2. My face has been very very very close to poop.
3. I now call it poop.
4. Barbie has flesh colored panties. Ken doesn't.
5. You would be surprised by the diversity, variance, and texture of boogers.
6. Speaking of texture and variance, poop is pretty much an over achiever in that category.
7. The ability to rapid fire spell any word in the dictionary.
8. I can pee while a two year old holds my leg after breaking and entering the bathroom to exclaim, "Good job daddy, you go peepee in the potty."
9. Sometimes, I look forward to going to work on Monday to get some rest.
10. A toddler can run out of the tub and pee on the floor faster than you can chase them.
11. I have had to clean up pee from a feaking doll that pees! Whoever created this doll should know there is a special place in hell reserved for him.
12. The weight limits for diapers refer to the size of kid you put in them and not how much they hold.
13. Children look adorable until the JC Penny camera is pointed at them.
14. If it squishes it can be squeezed between the fingers of an toddler.
15. If prepared correctly a properly vibrated infant can spit up on anyone you wish.
16. The most fasinating toy is the one your child doesn't have.
17. If you pull your childs bed away from the wall, you are guaranteed to find something gree stuck to the wall.
18. It takes a six year old, 30 seconds to put clothes on a Polly Pocket. It takes a father 30 minutes to put clothes on a Polly Pocket. It takes a four year old 2 seconds to loose their mind when they rip the Polly Pocket clothes.
19. Glue doesn't work on Polly Pocket clothes.
20. The only toy that ever gets lost is the one that is your daughter's favorite color.
21. The moment you buy the last Snow White doll, clothes, game, video, etc.. is the moment your daughter embraces Cinderella.
more to come...
Monday, April 16, 2007
Way to go Sport
Well, my oldest had her last practice tonight and tomorrow will be her last game. We sat for two hours to watch her double header on Saturday. The only reason 7 year olds play a double header is because they need to have a make up game. Now understand, my daughter's team is the worst team in the league. Its no fault of theirs. Their coach had never been a coach before and when they had tryouts, the other coaches simple made sure that their teams were fully stocked and whomever was left could fend for themselves. Well, that was my daughter's team.
It's amazing that they have won any games at all. There are only three teams and although ours has several good players, they really have no idea what is going on. Most importantly, they don't really care all that much. Their coach, God bless him, has them all convinced that having fun and trying your best is most important. So at the end of each game, the manager, his wife, reads the "stats" which usually boils down to a couple of force outs and the odd base hit here and there. They all cheer and put their hands in a circle for team spirit.
We parents are convinced that the rules are designed so that the Ravens (the team name) will always loose. No matter what, the rules always favor the opposing team. Last week, a girl was hit from a pitch, she took her base. This week three of our girls were hit, and the ump just brushed them off and told them to get back in the box for the next pitch. One inning, every kid who was below a certain height got to hit on the tee, unless they were on our team and then only a couple of kids who were below a certain age. The next week, when the same team was loosing, everyone who didn't get a hit, got to use the tee during the second inning. Basically, if you are being beat by the Ravens, there has got to be a rule change out there that will shift the tide. Not that it takes much to beat my daughters team.
So they were forced to play a double header the other day, and although our girls were tired, they did a heck of job getting beat. So tonight during our last practice, My daughter, who has been playing catcher for the past couple of games was in the most fortunate position to get assistance from two of the couches. In what can only be described as an Easter miracle, she went from missing every ball that came at her, to stopping every ball that came within 20 feet of her. Its amazing how well she improved with just a little bit of extra attention. I was amazed, proud, excited, and shamed all at the same time.
As a man its hard to watch other men interact with your daughter. I lead a busy life, with my full time job, part time business, and home responsibilities, I don't always get a chance to go out and throw the ball back and forth with my kids. Further, they don't always want to play ball. So when I see other men making such progress coaching my girl, I cringe just a little bit to think that, it should be me who gets her to throw better, catch better, run faster, and play better.
Of course when we do get to practice, I realize that I don't correct her enough. I try to be nice and tell her she is doing great, even when she is doing lousy. I build up her confidence even when she is the pits, and I let her quit when she is more bored than tired.
So it dawns on me, that the reason that every father is not a coach, is that sometimes it takes a different man to get out there and be somewhat more an expert than I for my daughter to stand up and take notice.
And I am thinking all of this as I leap from my seat to grab and comfort her after the coach lets her pitch for the first time and she gets belted in the head with a throw.
Oh well, way to go coach!
It's amazing that they have won any games at all. There are only three teams and although ours has several good players, they really have no idea what is going on. Most importantly, they don't really care all that much. Their coach, God bless him, has them all convinced that having fun and trying your best is most important. So at the end of each game, the manager, his wife, reads the "stats" which usually boils down to a couple of force outs and the odd base hit here and there. They all cheer and put their hands in a circle for team spirit.
We parents are convinced that the rules are designed so that the Ravens (the team name) will always loose. No matter what, the rules always favor the opposing team. Last week, a girl was hit from a pitch, she took her base. This week three of our girls were hit, and the ump just brushed them off and told them to get back in the box for the next pitch. One inning, every kid who was below a certain height got to hit on the tee, unless they were on our team and then only a couple of kids who were below a certain age. The next week, when the same team was loosing, everyone who didn't get a hit, got to use the tee during the second inning. Basically, if you are being beat by the Ravens, there has got to be a rule change out there that will shift the tide. Not that it takes much to beat my daughters team.
So they were forced to play a double header the other day, and although our girls were tired, they did a heck of job getting beat. So tonight during our last practice, My daughter, who has been playing catcher for the past couple of games was in the most fortunate position to get assistance from two of the couches. In what can only be described as an Easter miracle, she went from missing every ball that came at her, to stopping every ball that came within 20 feet of her. Its amazing how well she improved with just a little bit of extra attention. I was amazed, proud, excited, and shamed all at the same time.
As a man its hard to watch other men interact with your daughter. I lead a busy life, with my full time job, part time business, and home responsibilities, I don't always get a chance to go out and throw the ball back and forth with my kids. Further, they don't always want to play ball. So when I see other men making such progress coaching my girl, I cringe just a little bit to think that, it should be me who gets her to throw better, catch better, run faster, and play better.
Of course when we do get to practice, I realize that I don't correct her enough. I try to be nice and tell her she is doing great, even when she is doing lousy. I build up her confidence even when she is the pits, and I let her quit when she is more bored than tired.
So it dawns on me, that the reason that every father is not a coach, is that sometimes it takes a different man to get out there and be somewhat more an expert than I for my daughter to stand up and take notice.
And I am thinking all of this as I leap from my seat to grab and comfort her after the coach lets her pitch for the first time and she gets belted in the head with a throw.
Oh well, way to go coach!
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