I can't believe I am reposting this, but I am closing out my other blog and thought this would be appropriate here.
After the birth of my second daughter I began a discussion on the things I learned since becoming a father of a daugher. Here is an excerpt:
1. Puke that wasn't my own has been on every part of my body, sometimes without clothes to protect them.
2. My face has been very very very close to poop.
3. I now call it poop.
4. Barbie has flesh colored panties. Ken doesn't.
5. You would be surprised by the diversity, variance, and texture of boogers.
6. Speaking of texture and variance, poop is pretty much an over achiever in that category.
7. The ability to rapid fire spell any word in the dictionary.
8. I can pee while a two year old holds my leg after breaking and entering the bathroom to exclaim, "Good job daddy, you go peepee in the potty."
9. Sometimes, I look forward to going to work on Monday to get some rest.
10. A toddler can run out of the tub and pee on the floor faster than you can chase them.
11. I have had to clean up pee from a feaking doll that pees! Whoever created this doll should know there is a special place in hell reserved for him.
12. The weight limits for diapers refer to the size of kid you put in them and not how much they hold.
13. Children look adorable until the JC Penny camera is pointed at them.
14. If it squishes it can be squeezed between the fingers of an toddler.
15. If prepared correctly a properly vibrated infant can spit up on anyone you wish.
16. The most fasinating toy is the one your child doesn't have.
17. If you pull your childs bed away from the wall, you are guaranteed to find something gree stuck to the wall.
18. It takes a six year old, 30 seconds to put clothes on a Polly Pocket. It takes a father 30 minutes to put clothes on a Polly Pocket. It takes a four year old 2 seconds to loose their mind when they rip the Polly Pocket clothes.
19. Glue doesn't work on Polly Pocket clothes.
20. The only toy that ever gets lost is the one that is your daughter's favorite color.
21. The moment you buy the last Snow White doll, clothes, game, video, etc.. is the moment your daughter embraces Cinderella.
More to come . . My newest daughter has forced me to add to this list.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Saturday, August 09, 2008
I figured me out . . . . somewhat . . . .
Ok, I figured something out. This blog is for my friend, we’ll call him “Doug”. You see, I’ve written several blogs about drinking. As a good friend and Christian, he is concerned for me. I can’t blame him, sometimes I’m concerned for me too. I think I’ve figured it out. It’s 80s rock videos. When I slip and start watching 80s rock videos, I find myself dropping a lime in my coronoa. So apparently there is some odd symbiosis between 80s rock videos and beer.
I don’t know, have you watched an 80s rock video in a while? I’m talking big hair, big riffs, big exploitation. There is just something about it. I actually think it has more to do with missed opportunities. Probably like anyone aging rock star wannabe I play too much Guitar Hero and not enough guitar. So watching those videos takes me back to another time. But of course, when I go back there in my mind I remember what a good boy I was. Knowing now what kind of life I have, I realized I could have done more while still young and maybe I wouldn’t feel like I missed something.
Of course one could argue, that my life turning out so well was becase I didn’t get too crazy in my youth. But let’s face it, I’m not running for President, or Senator. I’m never going to be ultra rich. So who is going to go digging into my background to dig up my my dirt? No one! So having no dirt back there isn’t doing me any good.
On the other hand, I will never have to tell my kids to do as I say not as I did. I could never quite figure out how people could sit down with their kids and say, “well sweety, I don’t want you to smoke pot because when I toked up the dubbie, I really was regretting it inside, and I don’t want you to enjoy, I mean, make the same mistakes I did. . . .” I also wonder if when these parents find a quarter bag in their kids room, if they don’t want to roll one for old times sake?
Anyways, as I watch Night Ranger, Britney Fox and Damn Yankee videos here on my playlist, I find that they go down much better with some amber wheat and malted hops.
More to come
I don’t know, have you watched an 80s rock video in a while? I’m talking big hair, big riffs, big exploitation. There is just something about it. I actually think it has more to do with missed opportunities. Probably like anyone aging rock star wannabe I play too much Guitar Hero and not enough guitar. So watching those videos takes me back to another time. But of course, when I go back there in my mind I remember what a good boy I was. Knowing now what kind of life I have, I realized I could have done more while still young and maybe I wouldn’t feel like I missed something.
Of course one could argue, that my life turning out so well was becase I didn’t get too crazy in my youth. But let’s face it, I’m not running for President, or Senator. I’m never going to be ultra rich. So who is going to go digging into my background to dig up my my dirt? No one! So having no dirt back there isn’t doing me any good.
On the other hand, I will never have to tell my kids to do as I say not as I did. I could never quite figure out how people could sit down with their kids and say, “well sweety, I don’t want you to smoke pot because when I toked up the dubbie, I really was regretting it inside, and I don’t want you to enjoy, I mean, make the same mistakes I did. . . .” I also wonder if when these parents find a quarter bag in their kids room, if they don’t want to roll one for old times sake?
Anyways, as I watch Night Ranger, Britney Fox and Damn Yankee videos here on my playlist, I find that they go down much better with some amber wheat and malted hops.
More to come
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)