Faith in Electronics

I have faith in electrons. So should I worship at the alter of engineering? Why do I go to church? I seldom feel spiritual there. I spend most of the ceremony in complete service to my children. In fact, I spend most of the mass actively engaged in damage control so that others around me might be able to have a spiritual experience.

I want my children to explore their faith and I speak of faith with them frequently. That gives me a chance to work out some of my own thoughts. Yet, I can’t help shake my own sense of the concrete and real. I am fully attached to this world and it is hard for me to see paradise beyond in the adjectives used to describe it.

The rules that explain the universe however complex portray elegance and beauty. Although these rules are not fully known, they are often absolute and without exception. The architect has left us clues and endowed us with intelligence. The puzzle pieces of the universe are scattered all around for us to discover. Although it may be an impossibly large jigsaw, we continue to identify and place pieces as we discover them.

Being a man of science I believe God would create a universe that is perfect, and by perfect I mean adheres perfectly to a set of physical laws. As we discover these laws we are led to Him. This has been a cornerstone of my faith so that I can attend to the dichotomy of spiritually and scientific curiosity.

I don’t look to religion to explain science, but I have stopped looking to science to explain religion or existence. Organized religion is too concerned with self preservation to incorporate new ideas within the fabric of its teaching. So I cannot expect the church to be compelled to study science. However stretching the laws of science to help explain the teachings of Christ also seems to demean both. For example consider books with titles like The Physics of Immortality, or The Physics of God, etc. These books attempt to explain specific parables of Christ. From these books, the bottomless bowl of fish and bread are an amalgamation of quantum mechanics and general relativity. This just seems to be condescending to God and to me.

If God is the architect, then the universe must have been constructed using the rules that govern His architecture. God set up the rules of the physical universe and since I believe those rules are perfect and absolute, they could only exist in the way that God created. A glancing look at any area of physics will tell you that if the rules were any other way, the universe would cease to operate.

Using this reasoning, God must also feel (editor note: I thought of what word I should use there. Feel is emotive and I am going to stick with it. If God can love then He can feel) that he must be bound by these rules. Why would he create rules that were perfect but not to be bound by them as well.

By rules, I am talking about the physical constructs of nature. Not governing rules. I don’t want to suggest that if God set up some arbitrary rules for man to follow that He must follow them as well. That is like saying the a father must obey the rules he sets for his children.

The rules of nature are not so easily disobeyed. God’s rules are complete and necessary; the universe unfolds in the only way it can based upon those rules. Would not God be bound by nature? Changes in these rules could have disastrous consequences for the universe.

I am sure that He could or would change those rules arbitrarily if He found it necessary; and unlike man, would understand the full effect of those changes. His perception of these rules must be extraordinary, but being made man, in Jesus, would also have given Him man’s perception of these rules as well.

So this brings me to my dilemma, and the root of my spiritual turmoil. Faith. As a Christian, I am to believe in Christ as the only way to enter the gates of Heaven. The scientist in me wants to see God as the architect of Nature. His gift of Son not only gave us a symbolic lamb, but also gave Him a way to communicate with us in a way our senses could understand.

But its the specifics of the story that is at odds with my desire to understand the concreteness of the details. I can’t easily believe topics of Christianity without evidence, especially Biblical topics that fully contradict the assessments of science. Creationism versus evolution is probably the most current and obvious example. I am not at all engaged in this argument. I simply see it as a part of the larger science versus religion debate.

Someone explained to me that Satan was responsible for all the clues left in science that contradict biblical accounts. This was his way of leading us off of the path of righteousness. I believe this argument imbues Satan with more credit than is deserved.

So I come back to faith. I often tell friends who ask, that I am bringing up my children to have faith. But faith isn’t something I can give them. I try to be an example and answer their questions truthfully and honestly, but when do I know I have faith. Is it when I tell everyone else I believe? Is when I adorn myself with Christian symbols? Is it when I proselytize on the street or to my neighbors? Is it when I give my tithe to the church? Is it when I listen to Christian rock and read my bible more frequently? Is it when I bring my family to the church and attend regularly myself? When do I know I have faith? I am spiritual, but being spiritual doesn’t require faith. I am moral and ethical. I am empathetic and compassionate. I am generous and selfless. Does this prove I believe?

I totally and completely believe in the presence of electrons. I can’t see them, but I can see what they do. Of course, I can’t see God, but I can see what He has done. I can see him in my children, in the sunrise, in the beating of the waves on the sand, in the power and fierceness of a hurricane, in the love I have for my wife, and in the gift that is my aptitude. However, I can measure electrons. Do I believe in the presence of God with the same faith that I believe in the presence of electrons? I want to. Belief, Faith. It was much easier to be a child and believe. It didn’t require self reflection and honesty with oneself. I want to believe. Will I recognize it when I actually do?

Back to my original question. Why do I attend church? I don’t have a great answer, except, I feel better when I do. What I have begun to find is that I feel a bit hollow inside when I don’t. Whatever fills me up when I am in church must be spilling out when I am away. Makes me think of the bucket parable.

Nice Guys Finish Last and other Musings From the World

I own my own business. And like all good businesses, mine is hemorrhaging cash as a tax write off. Luckily I have a full time job that I can devote my spare time to, and earn enough money to feed my business. Sometimes there is a little left over to feed my family.

The problem; I’m weak. I want to appear calm and in control. So I smile while I bend over and take it up the ass. In truth, I thought that running a business would land me in control. I let some people shower me with compliments and I began to work my heart out, neglecting my family and taking my aggression out on my wife. I let people lead me believing that the big payout was just around the corner.

Well, people will use you when there’s money to be made, and if they can make it on your back, they will. I don’t so much believe that these people are intentionally mean or dishonest. They simply look out for their best interest first. If you can help them with their bottom line, they are happy to enlist your help.

I’ve also leaned another valuable lesson. Beware of Christian companies. If they are wearing the banner of Christ on their sleeves, then they don’t have Him enough in their hearts. It is far more difficult to be a Christian than to use the Cross to sell your product or service. They too are out for their bottom line first and the service of Christ second.

What it comes down to is you can’t be a nice guy and run a business. You can be nice, but not in the service of your business. When it comes to your business you have to look out for it’s interests.

Now enough of that. I won’t make that mistake again. Either, I will fold up shop and turn in my License or I’m gonna find that million dollar idea and ride it as long as I can. God willing.

My next post is on faith. I’ve been working on it for a while. I hope I can finish it in time.

New Year’s Resolution

There are lots of things I would like to change about myself, but as often as I think of them, I recognize the futility of it all. I want to make myself better and improve, but I also feel that so much of the things around me that need changing are out of my control.

I am not suggesting that I don’t have room for improvement. Far from it, I am suggesting that the things I want to have different in my life are not within my ability to change. I want to reduce my debt, but I am merely paying my bills as it is. I want a happy home life, but that often relies on the actions of others whom I cannot control. I want more courage to make decisions and more self control in dealing with my own vices, but courage and self indulgence aren’t things you can merely decide to be better. Often it takes being in a position to truly expose the limits of these qualities for them to grow, and I don’t want to opportunities to experience great courage, or see my vices exploited. in order to provide me with opportunities for growth.

In terms of tangible goals I am sure I can rattle off long lists of things I would like to do better to serve in the interest of a resolution. I want to update my blog more often, I want to be more frugal with my income, I want to exercise more and eat less. I want to go outside more. I want to grow my business. I want to keep better records.

Of course, I could also begin listing the esoteric resolutions. Things that have no easy measure. I want to be a better father, I want to be a better husband, I want to be a better son etc... But how does one accomplish this task and know that you have succeeded? Well the kids didn’t enter rehab this year, so I must have been doing better as their father. . .

I think the whole resolution idea is a crock. Of course, that is probably why Lent is so close to the beginning of the new year. You realize that you can’t keep up with your resolution, so you involve God.

I don’t have a New Years Resolution. I am not going to write one down. Here is an analogy for how my life feels right now. I am swimming in a river. I need to reach a point upstream. As I swim, the water becomes rougher and faster. Sometimes I swim as hard as possible and notice that I am still loosing ground. Once and a while, small boat comes by and lets me hold on as it moves upriver, but it only lasts a short time and although I make some progress, my ultimate goal isn’t much closer. Then I find out that the point that I am swimming to, is actually not where I need to be, and the actual point is farther up stream. So when new years resolution time comes around, I feel that there is someone on the bank yelling to me to try harder at swimming upstream and that the only reason I am still in the same place I was last year is because I was simply treading water. I want to yell at that person that I am swimming as fast as I can, but they don’t know what the river has been like, they only see that I am in the same place I am now.

So what I need to do is find a way to get out of the river and walk upstream. Although I will still have a journey, at least it won’t require me to swim against the current. There has to be a way.